its ok. i have every right to ramble as i wish, as this blog is mine (or so they say).
clocked 14 hours today in front of computer screens doing work. not a lifetime record, but definitely a headache to think about. my mom and i recently argued about how much i'm hurting my eyes with doing all this work, and i tell her i have no choice (because i really don't). she said "and when you go blind, what's all that work going to matter then?" i had no answer. and then i continued to do work.
is this what i really want?
should i just quit, mid october?
are finances really that important? im not desperate, i'm just trying to have a cushion for the winter months.
in other news, i realized my ability to perceive nearly everyone around me as "less than on par" in their work ethics is simply because i'm an obsessive, compulsive, arrogant perfectionist. i demand too much because i feel like if work should be done, it should be done very well and very good. not that i output work like that all the time, but that's how i perceive an end-product to be. do i nag people too much for little mistakes? spelling, punctuation, color, blemishes, tiny errors in their essays and in their subject titles? mispelled names? yes. do they deserve it? probably not.
but honestly, in the working professional world-- student, athlete, photographer, business person, i think there should be a high standard of competence. if you can't fit that competence, find another job. or go back to school. or return that bachelors of yours. yes that was a mean thing to say, but we're adults now. think the FLIPSIDE. if you were corresponding with another person/business, how would you like it if they spelled things wrong, produced badly-grammaticized emails and sloppy work? i certainly wouldn't return phone calls or emails or give them my business.
i like puppies. i like dopey puppies.
i want a break from life.
and i need a hug.