reflection

I dwelled on these two verses a lot my senior year in college.

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:6-7)

It's funny how thinking about certain words can help one recall other moments, particular moments and events, in one's life. I worry alot. I worry when people don't call back, when people don't text back, and when people don't respond to my emails. It's a frivolous sort of worry-- am i being rejected? Do they not care? Did my email not go through? Are they simply... taking their time to respond? I feel this way in business, personal, social, and academic emails. Man if I were a comedian, I'd totally rip on my internal worries like a bean-eating-competitor rips gas....

How silly for me to worry so much. I've become so .. neurotic?.. and anxious. So uptight about making sure my work is done, emails are sent and schedules are confirmed.

So often we hear verse 6 quoted-- not worrying, not being anxious. More importantly is the word "Do" at the beginning. Simply put, this signifies a command by the author to "do". Not a suggestion, not an idea, but a very strong command. Moreso, people often forget to recite the second part of this command/message- verse 7. Why do we not worry? What will be promised to us by not worrying?

Check it again. Verse 7. And the peace of God.. that transcends all understand.. these words were very powerful to me in my final year of undergrad. A peace I could not comprehend with my tiny little pea brained mind, a peace so big it could only come from God. My senior year was full of trouble, turmoil, pain, growth, adventure, and confusion. I was hurt, angry, but also excited about life, a lot more open-minded, a bit wreckless, and a whole lot more free. And I longed for that peace again within my life. Behind that storm cloud which hovered over my heart, my head, my life for all those months, I felt a bigger peace placed on my heart. For me, I think peace came when I drowned myself into the lives of others-- hanging out at the train station those late nights, sipping coffee and listening to the life stories of other people. Smelling their smoke, scenting their cheap vodka and urine-soaked clothing, but more importantly, reciprocally acknowledging our own humanity. They knew they were human, but by us being there and striking up companionship and simple genuine company, it made me feel human again. In a weird way, I felt more alive and more real hanging out with the homeless folks than I did in CCF, then I did in the dining hall. If anything, it reminded me how much more blessed I was than I gave God credit for.

moments that wake us up. that's what i love. that's where I find a lot of peace. in the end, God grants us peace not in peaceful places or happy times, but when we seek him and surrender our own selfish worries to his Lordship.